Coping With Miscarriage, Rising Back Into Life


After coping with miscarriage six times herself, life coach Shannon Passalacqua offers four simple steps for relieving stress and emotionally healing

Woman upset and thinking about coping with miscarriage | Reproductive Science Center of the San Francisco Bay Area

There are a lot of physical and emotional responses that may occur after a miscarriage. You may be feeling a loss of control, a loss of connection with your partner as well as yourself, and a loss of trust in your body. And when you do become pregnant, you may feel a hesitation to celebrate, for fear of feeling the pain again.

After experiencing six miscarriages myself, I learned that the only thing I could control was how I healed and how I could help others  start their healing journey.


Four steps to emotionally healing after a miscarriage

Cry to relieve stress

Did you know that when you cry tears of emotion there are actually more stress hormones in those tears than in the normal lubricating tears that are normally in our eyes? This means that when you cry, you are actually releasing stress from your body.

So, let yourself cry. Crying will actually move you through the grief so you don’t get stuck in it.


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Talk about the miscarriage to move on to the stages of grief

Miscarriage is somewhat of a taboo topic. The rule has been that you don’t tell people you are pregnant until after 12 weeks, just in case you do lose the baby, and then you don’t have to talk about it.

But then how do you process the pain? Who do you lean on when you need to tell someone what is going on? One of the stages of grief is acceptance. To get to that point, it is important to find at least one person who will listen to your story and your grief. If you are struggling with expressing your pain verbally, try writing down your story in a journal.

Move your body to change your state of mind

I know, trust me, I know you’re in pain. The last thing you want to do is move your body. I completely agree and understand. When the miscarriage first happens, take the time you need to lie in bed, cry and grieve.

Be gentle with yourself and your body. Nurture it and rest. But when the physical pain has passed, pull yourself out of bed, and try to move your body.

Exercising can change your state of mind and will help pull you out of the anger stage. There is actually scientific proof that when you literally move yourself forward (on a walk, a run, bike ride), you actually start working through the stress and start healing.

Find a creative outlet

Find a creative outlet to express yourself. Some people turn to journaling, others turn to dance, yoga or drawing to express their pain and loss. I found my creativity in creating a tattoo to honor the babies I had lost.

I spent hours researching and creating an image that would best reflect the pain I had felt while still remaining hopeful. I continued my expression of creativity through writing. Find something to put your emotions into.

You can’t control your pregnancy loss, but you can control your healing

If you are looking for a safe community of women who have experienced pregnancy loss, you can join the Miscarriage Warrior app (you can also find it in your app store). If you would like to read more about the 4 Steps to Emotionally Healing, you can find it here.

– Shannon Passalacqua, Elevated Coaching


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