For Valentine’s Day: First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage…


…then comes a reproductive endocrinologist in a white coat telling you to inject progesterone in your butt.

Valentine's Day | RSCBA CA | infertility

There’s nothing that takes the sexiness out of trying to conceive faster than a fertility doc telling you how to do it. My advice is about as sexy as wearing white socks with sandals, or watching C-SPAN.

I am no Dr. McDreamy with perfect wind-swept hair moving in slow motion as I save the lives of 50 school children in a bus fire. Nope. I am a middle-aged dude with a bad haircut explaining the changes in cervical mucus.


I get it.

And I’m sorry.

To make matters worse, February is here. You can’t take two paces without being bombarded with red hearts, chocolates and cloyingly sweet sentiments written on expensive paper. It’s not fair. And it sucks.

For lots of patients, dealing with infertility has turned one of the most intimate moments with their partners into a stressful chore. And if you haven’t experienced it yet, there will likely be a moment when you will say, “This is not quite how I envisioned getting pregnant.”

Holidays – Valentine’s Day in particular – can drive home the challenges you might face. Being diagnosed with infertility is as stressful as the diagnosis of cancer. That stress can be devastating to a relationship. Add in crazy hormones, and things can get ugly quickly.

On Valentine’s Day, forget about making a baby and just love each other

Please realize you are not alone, and that these feelings are nearly universal. Although everyone deals with difficult times differently, my advice is to try and voice your concerns with each other. Making a baby is about the future.

So, on Valentine’s Day forget that for a second. Try and remember the past and what brought you together in the first place. Take a moment for yourselves – go on a date, have intimacy without worrying about your ovulation predictor kit, have a glass of wine. Ask each other what you need and how you can support one another.

If you need more help, ask me or another doctor. We have lots of resources in the Bay Area to point you in the right direction.

In the meantime, take a deep breath. Understand that this is temporary and chances are in your favor that you will be successful.

I know by this point I’m the last one you want to hear “Happy Valentine’s Day” from. But, I am honored to be part of this incredibly intimate journey and so look forward to the success you will have in the future.